


Blinking Game

by blossomwritesthings



Category: VIXX
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Body Image, Body Worship, Comfort/Angst, Curvy Girl, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loving Marriage, Marriage, Married Characters, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Sex, Mild Sexual Content, N - Freeform, References to Depression, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Tension, Triggers, Vixx - Freeform, Weight Gain, being married to a vixx member, being married to cha hakyeon, being married to vixx n, cha hakyeon - Freeform, curvy, foreign s/o, hakyeon - Freeform, married life with a vixx member, married life with cha hakyeon, married life with hakyeon, married life with vixx hakyeon, married life with vixx n, vixx hakyeon, vixx n - Freeform, vixx n being married, vixx n being married to a foreign girl, vixx n being married to an american girl, vixx n when you gain weight, vixx n when your curvy, vixx when you are curvy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 04:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomwritesthings/pseuds/blossomwritesthings
Summary: *For a more enhanced reading experience, listen to Kim Jonghyun's song 'Blinking Game.'*-Ever since Sarah could remember, she's always struggeled with loving her curvy body. And falling in love with a famous Kpop idol named 'Cha Hakyeon' didn't help her self-esteem levels.She's been married to Hakyeon for 6 happy years now, but living in South Korea's restricting environment has taken a large toll on her body-image. But Sarah thank's God that she has such a loving husband like Hakyeon.





	Blinking Game

**Author's Note:**

> * ~ (Reminder for trigger warning) ~ * 
> 
> PG-13+: For thematic elements, a lot of angst, struggles with depression  
and axiety, mild sexual scenes/innuendos between a married couple,  
and mentions of low-self-esteem with oneself and body-image.  
If you are not comfortable with the following, please, stop reading  
here. Otherwise, enjoy! 

* * *

_159 lbs. _

I looked down at the scale, all life now completely drained out of my face. That's how much I weighed, as a twenty-eight-year-old female. And I was not happy about it. 

My whole life I was known for being skinny and small-boned, but after I hit puberty all of that went out the window. I soon became thicker and curvier in just a few years. It's not like I had intended for my body to grow so fast, I was just built this way; being a native-born all-American girl, with parents that originally descended from Germany and England. And not to mention that I had lived in New York City my whole life. I was your typical clichè white chick, with light brown hair that was cut into a bob, blue eyes, and slightly tanned skin. 

I hated my body throughout my high school and college years. And it wasn't until I started growing into real adulthood that I came to terms with my curvy body-type. I finally convinced myself that I was worthy enough to date a man and that I was pretty enough. But in the back of my mind, I still had many doubts about myself. 

But pushing my negative thoughts and emotions aside, I started dating like crazy. And by crazy, I mean having six different boyfriends in just one year. Most of the time I'd leave my new boyfriend when he said something snarky about my figure (which was around the two or three-month mark of our relationship). I continued this bad habit of dating just to break up in a few months up until I was twenty-five. 

It was on my twenty-fifth birthday, in the year of 2014, that one of my guy-friends introduced me to one of his South Korean co-workers (he was also Korean himself). The mysterious man was named Cha Hakyeon, and the moment I laid my eyes upon his tall and slim (yet built) figure, I immediately fell in love. Hakyeon's eyes were warm and inviting, and a cute smile tugged at his lips whenever he was happy. He had soft black hair and an accentuated neck and jawline. I had always thought that Asian men were cute in the back of my mind, but up until that moment, I had never taken into account how attractive they could really be. 

That night, Hakyeon and I started talking, and we didn't stop until everyone had left my party and it was well past midnight. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him anytime I'd like since he was (ironically) "always free." Hakyeon's English was very good, though not quite to the point of prefect-fluency. So that's when I decided to start learning Korean on my own; to surprise my new friend Hakyeon with my newly-learned Korean words the next time I would see him. 

A few months went by without any word from Hakyeon until he arrived at my doorstep one day, asking me to go out to coffee with him. That whole morning he was very nervous and on edge, which lead me to be uneasy as well. Right before we were leaving the cafe, Hakyeon broke the news to me that he was a famous singer back in South Korea, and that he was apart of a popular boy group named VIXX. At first, upon hearing the news, I was shocked out of words, but then it made sense to me why his visuals were so breathtakingly handsome. 

Hakyeon and I spent the rest of the night together before he took me home back to my apartment. It was on my front doorstep that Hakyeon confessed his love for me. 

"Look, Sarah, I know we just met, and I'm kinda new to this whole foreign thing, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me? I'm not asking that we be serious, I'm just asking that you try going out with me a couple of times, that all." Hakyeon said to me suddenly, taking me completely by surprise. His spoke quickly and his hand was at the back of his neck, scratching his skin nervously. 

"H-Hakyeon, I-I don't know what to say, I-" I said while I stumbled over my words. I could feel my cheeks heating up by the second. 

"It's alright. I figured the love wouldn't be mutual." The Korean man in front of me said with a sigh. He ran a frustrated hand through his soft locks that were now dyed bleach-blonde. My mouth hung open as I continued to stay quiet for a few more moments, processing all that he had just said. 

"Oh my gosh Hakyeon, the time has come to shut you up for good!" I finally said with a playful laugh before pulling the man towards my body and pressing my lips against his own. Hakyeon tensed under my touch for only a moment before sinking into my loving action, kissing me back more passionately this time. After a few moments, Hakyeon pulled away. My eyes fell to the pavement in embarrassment. 

"So does that mean 'yes'?" He asked suspiciously, his eyebrow slowly rising. I giggled quietly, ultimately looking up at Hakyeon. When our eyes met I felt butterflies dancing inside my stomach. His dark brown orbs were so tender as he looked at me with a sweet smile adorning his face. I flashed him one of my own warm smiles. 

"Yes you silly; that means I want to date you!" I said in a loud voice. I brought him to close me my body and hugged him tightly around his waist, trying to warm my cold form up. It was still early spring and New York wouldn't get warm until the middle of summer. 

Hakyeon and I dated for a year after that, until early summer of 2015, when he proposed to me in a quiet park in South Korea while the two of us were vacationing there. And after that, we got engaged in the winter of that same year. Six years later, and Hakyeon and I were now happily married and living in a large house in Seoul, South Korea. During the years that we got to know each other, Hakyeon helped me learn South Korean, and I helped him finish learning English. So the two of us were now fluent in both languages. 

Hakyeon was the extrovert in the relationship, with him being loud at times and seemingly-always gregarious, whereas I was more on the quiet side of things, showing my interest in different ways than being overly-excited and sometimes even being a bit crazy at times. 

When Hakyeon and I first started dating, he tended to wear his heart on his sleeve a lot, since he had only dated a few other girls before me (which was the opposite of my dating experience). But after a while, he toughened up and realized that just because I wouldn't talk that much when he would get home at the end of a long day doesn't mean I didn't love him any less. I just showed my affection for him in wordless actions, which now being married to me for three years he understood what the signs of my love for him were; a slight smile towards his way, a home-cooked meal, being willing to go out on a date in a public area where everyone could see us, or going to one of his concerts or fan signs. 

Thankfully, VIXX's biggest time in their careers (from 2014 to 2018) was over, and since Hakyeon had just completed his military service, our lives were finally starting to settle down. He and the other members still had schedules every week, but he had a lot more free-time than how he used to before he enlisted. The other members of VIXX were all in relationships of their own, and I had always enjoyed being around the other members when we all got together on occasion. Hakyeon, Taekwoon, and Jaehwan were all married, with Taekwoon having two boys of his own and Jaehwan having one girl. Wonshik was currently engaged (soon to be married in a few months), and Hongbin and Hyuk were dating at the moment. 

It was now the summer of 2021, I was currently sitting on my bed, staring at a photo album of myself from way back when I was in college. A big smile was plastered upon my face in every picture, but as I recalled that time in my life, remember how depressed I felt deep down inside at the time. 

I checked the clock on my nightstand's table. It read at 7 p.m. My husband would be walking through the door any minute now. I sighed heavily looking at his skinny I was back then, and yet in my mind, I felt like I was six hundred pounds. 

Words that I had heard some women say a few days before on the subway home from work clouded my mind again. 

"Woah, look at that girl's legs! They're huge!" One said as I stood in line to get my ticket for the subway. 

"I'm sure she's a lonely bachelorette looking for love." The other girl said with an evil snicker. The group of young women thought I didn't hear them, but I quietly held in my tears as I sat down in one of the train's chairs. 

'They're just young college students, they don't know any better.' That's what I told myself as I continued to listen to their hateful comments coming from the side of me. 

"Oh my gosh, I bet she barely fit into those jeans she's wearing." One of the girls said as they continued to poke fun at my physique. 

Deep inside of me, I wanted to lunge at the pretty girls, lashing back at them with just as equally hateful comments that I was thinking of at that moment. But the introvert in me took over my whole body, and I just scooted away from the train's main entry, curling into the corner of my seat. I would never see those girls again, yet I knew that their hurtful words would encourage the re-opening of the wounds that Hakyeon and I had been working so hard on to heal for several years now. Just recently, I could feel myself slip into one of my low points again, where I would doubt and hate myself for a while until Hakyeon would grab ahold of me and help me out of my pit of depression. It was a cycle, and almost every day I battled with the feeling of not being worthy enough to live. In these scary moments, the only thing that was keeping me sain was Hakyeon. 

When my husband was sent off to the military for his two-years mandatory service, I moved in with my parents for the time. Hakyeon and I ultimately decided that living in NYC for the time that he was away was a lot better than being alone in an overly-large house in South Korea. And with the help of my family and friends, and the grace of God, I was able to get through those two, grueling years that Hakyeon was away. And because South Korea was so far away from NYC, and the plane tickets were way too expensive to fly back home every time Hakyeon went on leave, we never saw each other until his discharge, which was in March of 2021. Of course, we video-chatted and sent letters and texted when he was allowed, but that wasn't very reliable since his work with the military band was very extensive and his schedules were usually always jam-packed with different events. 

I remember when I had to say goodbye to my family and friends back in NYC and fly back to South Korea for my husband's military discharge. I was an emotional wreck the whole flight there, but as soon as I stepped foot into our house, I was swept up in happiness as I remembered all of the sweet moments that Hakyeon and I had shared in this one house. That following week, I went to the sight where Hakyeon was going to be discharged. It was a quaint little garden-area just outside of Seoul. A couple hundred fans were waiting around for him and some other famous stars when I got there, but I wasn't too bothered by them since my mind was only thinking about seeing Hakyeon after so long. 

I remember the moment the military bus pulled up to the garden's curb, and the fans immediately erupted into cheers. It took a few minutes before the men started filing off of the large bus, one by one I counted down the military men that were stepping off the bus's platform, looking and making sure that none of them were Hakyeon. I was dressed in a light pink dress that was adorned with white lace. I was wearing white pumps and my hair and makeup was done with a subtle hint of pink and sparkles. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I saw one of the last men step off the bus. His head rose and our eyes met. I don't know how, but a moment later I felt my legs moving on their own. The man in front of me was moving towards me as well, and before I could even realize what was happening, I was enveloped into a big, warm hug. My body became limp against my husband's figure and he had to hold onto me tighter to keep me from falling out of his grip. I could hear the fans cheers and calling out our names saying sweet things, but I tuned all of them out and focused all of my attention on the man in front of me. 

After a while, I lifted my head out from Hakyeon's chest and he placed a gentle hand on the side of my cheek. I could see tears brimming his eyes as he looked at me who was silently crying. We stared at each other for a few moments, love overflowing in each other's eyes. We were playing a blinking game, our desire for each other so adamant our gazes made our two hearts yearn for one another so deeply they ached. 

"You did it, baby. You made it." Is all he said before he brought me in for a kiss. My whole body began to heat up at the intimate contact that we were now sharing. It had been too long since the last time I had felt his lips against my own. My tears continued to fall throughout our kiss as I pondered his first words to me. He was talking about my depression, about my anxiety and stress, about my low self-esteem. He knew how hard it was for me to be away from him, that's why he said those simple words to me. He was trying to convey how proud he was of me for being so brave for the two years that he was away. 

"T-thank you for coming back to me safely. You kept your promise, H-Hakyeon." I said between my cries. I was so overtaken by my emotions I could barely speak at the moment.

"I'll always come back for you, no matter what," Hakyeon whispered into my ear. His words made me clutch onto his military uniform even more. I was so happy to have him home with me, words couldn't even express all that I was feeling in those few moments when I finally got to see him after two long years. 

I quietly pondered all of these thoughts in my head as I sat on my bed, a smile slowly spreading across my face as I remembered the good time with my husband. But my happiness faded away when I remembered the mean comments from the other day, and subconsciously my heart began to race. Tears brimmed my eyes. I held one of my pillows up to my face to muffle my loud cries. 

I heard a noise coming from outside the bedroom. Hakyeon was home. I quickly wiped the tears away from my cheeks and straightened my body. I tried to put on a warm smile, but I didn't know how convincing I looked at the moment. 

"Sarah, where are you?" I heard my husband say from outside my bedroom. The door to the room was swung completely open seeing as our house was two stories' high. I was too invested in my thoughts to answer. And the house fell silent again until my husband burst through the doorframe, a smile adorning his dark features. 

"There you are!" He said in an exclamation. He jumped onto the bed and hugged me tightly. I could feel my body slump into his touch. Oh, how I had missed him so much. It was silent for a while before Hakyeon peeled me away from his figure, a concerning look on his face. 

"Is everything alright, babe?" He said. I could hear worry in his tone. 

"Yeah, everything's fine," I said while I tried to put on a fake smile. My heart still ached as my mind kept remembering the mean words that had been said about my body the other day. 

"Are you sure?" My husband said with a raised eyebrow. For a moment I thought he saw right through me, and that he would instantly know what was going on, but I quickly cleared those thoughts from my head and flashed another phony smile.

"I'm fine, Hakyeon. How was your day?" I said. I had cleverly changed the subject from me to him in a matter of seconds. 

"Great! The fellow actors are so helpful when I need tips, and the plot of the whole drama is really interesting." Hakyeon explained with excitement before he ran a quick hand through his black locks. I looked up and took in my husband's physic. He was wearing form-fitting black slacks and a tight, white button-down shirt. I guessed he had been wearing black dress shoes before but took them off as soon as he stepped into the house. 

Hakyeon was currently filming an office-themed Kdrama, where he played the character of a hard-working bachelor trying to find love hence the reason for his semi-formal attire. He wasn't one of the main characters in the drama, but every little bit of experience that he got in acting helped. I secretly found it really attractive when I would get to see a glimpse of his toned arms through his light button-downs. And when he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows, I loved seeing his manly, veiny forearms. I had always seen Hakyeon as an attractive man, but it was in these moments when he was trying to act professionally that he tended to hide the sun-kissed skin a lot. It was almost every day that I yearned to feel him run his long, nimble fingers along my body's multiple curves (even on my bad ways), but I knew that he was busy with work, so I usually always had to suppress my desires until the time was right. 

Hakyeon used to be self-conscious of his dark skin (for a South Korean male anyway), but after he debuted as a Kpop singer in 2012, he started to feel good about himself more. Even though his tan complexion got a lot more attention after he became an idol, it helped him get through his low-self esteem about it; because it suddenly made him feel proud and empowered that he stood out and looked different from the rest of the other famous male idols at the time. It made him feel like he stood out but in all the good ways. 

At first, when I started dating Hakyeon, I was surprised that he was interested in me since I was so curvy, and not what the typical South Korean girls body type looks like. Maybe it was because he didn't really fit in with the social norms of his own country as well, so he was more gracious towards my large figure. But no matter what, he always assured me time and time again that he loved every part of me. Form my head to my toes; he loved it all. And my husband made that point clear very clear every time he'd make love to me. His affection would bubble over into an immense passion for me during our love-making sessions. 

"But enough about me, and more about my pretty princess." My husband said with a playful smirk. He leaned into my body and kissed me sweetly. I yearned for more of his touch but alas I kept silent, yet again. 

"How was your day, hmm?" Hakyeon asked. He tilted his head slightly in a rather cute manner. 

"Oh, it was uh- good," I said as I stumbled over my words nervously. I cursed myself for not being a better lier. I knew that my husband sensed something was wrong. 

"That's good. I'm going to take a shower, want to join me?" Hakyeon said before getting off of our bed and going into our shared, walk-in closet to search for a new set of clothes. 

"No, thanks, I already took a shower early this morning," I said in a soft voice. But the real reason why I spoke softly was that I felt ashamed to stand in front of Hakyeon naked, with my large body displayed for him to see. 

"C'mon babe, it'll only take a few minutes," Hakyeon said in a whiny voice and I could feel anger already bubbling up inside my stomach. I knew he didn't mean anything by his words, but they were already annoying me. 

"I said no!" I suddenly exclaimed in a loud voice. My husband's face took on a surprised look at my sudden outburst. We stared at each for a few moments, his gaze trying to pierce into my heart and figure out what had set me off.

"Okay," Is all Hakyeon said as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door quietly. As soon as I heard him turn the shower on, I burst into tears (muffled by my pillow of course). I was acting like a hormonal high school girl; when really, I was supposed to be a mature working-woman who was just as equally as sophisticated as my husband. I rarely got mad at Hakyeon, since I was the quiet one. Hakyeon and I rarely got into arguments, but when we did, it was usually him who would be raising his voice at me. 

I stopped crying a few minutes later, just as my husband strode out of the bathroom, the only thing clothing his body being a white fluffy towel wrapped around his torso. 

"I'm going to watch a movie, want to join me?" He said in a calm voice but I could still hear a desperate streak in his tone. I knew that I was being too cruel towards him, but at the moment I felt so mad about my own self and body that I didn't care how angry or sad I looked. 

"No thanks," I said simply. My husband didn't even reply but just left our bedroom closing the door slowly, as he proceeded to watch a movie by himself. 

It was past midnight before Hakyeon came striding back into our bedroom. I was currently lying awake in bed, but I pretended to be sleeping for the sake of my husband and the awkwardness from my previous blow-up a few hours before. After Hakyeon had gotten situated in bed, I could feel his long arms wrapping around me, and my whole body immediately froze. I couldn't move or say anything, because if I did I would blow my cover of faking my sleep. 

So I waited, and waited, until about two hours passed, when I deemed it safe to get up and unhinged myself from Hakyeon's grip. I carefully peeled Halyeon's arms away from my waist and walked to the bathroom before shutting it closed as I sat on the toilet seat. I didn't have to use the restroom, but being that close to my husband at that moment made me feel like I was suffocating. I felt so ashamed of myself I didn't want to be in close contact with anyone. 

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my social media. I stumbled upon a picture of a South Korean makeup artist that I had been following for a few months. I sighed heavily. The young woman was so youthful-looking, unlike me. Her makeup suited her facial features perfectly, and the way she posed in the picture accentuated her slim and small frame. She was touring Vietnam with her boyfriend, and she looked so healthy and fit. She was a man's dream girl. I stood up form the toilet and looked at my own body in the bathroom's large mirror. I was nothing compared to that young girl. All I saw staring back at me was a lifeless and depressed older woman who felt like she was worth nothing because she was so ugly and fat. 

"If only I could lose some of this stupid fat," I said as I pulled at my stomach's skin. Tears were starting to form in my eyes. 

"Oh, why did I have to be born so ugly? I hate myself!" I said in a loud cry. I hadn't realized how loud I was until after the fact, and I quickly clamped my hands over my mouth a moment later. If Hakyeon was woken by my outburst, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I sunk to the bathroom floor and cried for a while, just sitting there on the hard tile. My wails were muffled by my warm palms, but there was still some audible struggle from time to time. 

"Sarah? Are you in there? Is everything alright?" I heard Hakyeon's voice call out. He was knocking on the bathroom door now. I could tell he was worried.

Shit. I had woken him up. 

"Uhm- yeah, I'll be out in a minute," I said and tried to sound as normal as possible. I wiped my excess tears away and turned to the bathroom's mirror again, checking myself to make sure I looked presentable. 

A few minutes later I stepped out of the bathroom to find my husband sitting on our bed with all of the room's lights turned on. I shut my eyes tightly since the bathroom's light was quite dim compared to the ones on our bed's nightstands. 

"Sarah, what's wrong?" My husband said as he stood up and came close to me. I backed away instinctively. He couldn't touch me. He couldn't know how heavy I was. 

"N-nothing," I replied with a bad stutter. I could feel guilt rising in my chest. I put on a brave face and turned towards Hakyeon with a reassuring smile. 

"Let's just go to bed, okay?" I said nervously. I really didn't want him to ask any further questions. 

"Babe, you've been acting weird all day. It's only right for me to be curious." Hakyeon said. He spoke more loudly than before, but he wasn't yelling. I felt his strong grip wrapping around my wrist a moment later, stopping me in my tracks. 

"Nothing's wrong, Hakyeon," I said with a sigh. My eyes had widened since I felt his grip against my skin. My heart was pleading for my mind to give up on this crazy game and just confess my feelings to my husband, but my head said otherwise. Hakyeon's grip dropped from my wrist and he started to walk past me to get into his side of the bed. He knew I wasn't going to say anything at this late hour, so he gave up for the next morning. But there was still uncertainty hanging in the air on both our parts. 

But I had a slight sense of hesitation and the next thing I knew I had caught hold of his shirt and pulled him close to my own body. I could feel his body tense up in surprise. He was expecting to go to bed and talk about everything tomorrow, not having game hold in back with a desperate grip.

"Please . . . Don't . . . leave me . . ." I said in a quiet cry before leaning my forehead against his muscular back. The dam had broke, and yet this was only the beginning of my confession. 

"Sarah, I-" Hakyeon started to say and he turned around to face me. But I didn't let him finish as I crashed my lips against his the moment he twisted around. At first, he was surprised by my action, but soon he melted into my touch and kissed me back, just as equally as passionately as I had a moment before. After a minute or so, my husband pulled away, worry contouring his face. We stared into each other's eyes, the silence surrounding us. I knew that he was studying me and my thoughts as we gazed into each other's orbs. Hakyeon's were full of sadness as he looked upon me. I could tell that his heart was slowly breaking as he continued looking at my figure. We were once again playing a blinking game, looking at each other so deeply to the extent that it almost hurt. 

"What's all this about, babe? Please, just tell me." Hakyeon said as he lead me to our bed and sat me down beside him. I proceeded to tell him my innermost feelings about how I was currently hating my body, and about the young girl's mean comments on the subway the other day. 

"Okay, now I'm really angry." Hakyeon finally said after I had told him how I had been feeling lately. A fire was now burning in his dark orbs.

"Please, don't do anything to those girls that said those things about me. You and I both know that they weren't aware that I could hear them." I pleaded with my husband. I looked up into his eyes and suddenly said a silent prayer that we'd stay in the position that we were currently in for a long time. He was sitting cross-legged, with me situated into his lap as he held my hand. A deep frown was now plastered upon his face. 

"I don't know, Sarah, they said some really nasty things about you. I wouldn't mind giving them a nice whopping or two. And for once, I am not joking.” My husband said. He spoke with an air of sadness. I knew that when I was hurt, he was also in pain. 

"You'll never be able to find them, Hakyeon. Please, just let it go, okay? For my sake?" I asked before squeezing his hand tenderly. 

"Fine, I won't do anything, if that's what you want." Hakyeon finally concluded, taking ahold of my other hand and also giving it a squeeze, "but what do you want to do about your negative feelings? You'll never get better if you don't do something about them." My husband said gently, leaning into me a kissing my lips sweetly. 

"I-I don't know . . ." I said. My voice faltered at the thought of doing something about my depressed feelings. I was so down I just wanted to lay around all day and wallow in my sorrow, but in the back of my mind, I knew that that wasn't the right thing to do. I had been through similar things to this before, and had gotten through them, so why was it harder this time around than before? Hakyeon was silent for a moment before he pulled me off the bed and lead me to our bedroom's full-body mirror, placing our office-desks' chair in front of me and finally sitting me down in it. 

"H-Hakyeon, what are you d-do-" I began to stutter but was ultimately cut off by my own husband's stern voice. 

"Undress yourself." He said, his gaze was fixed upon my smaller form. My heart was pounding so loudly I was afraid my husband would hear it's loud beats. We stared at each other for a few moments, his eyes were brightly lit with a sensual fire. I felt confused yet excited at the same time. 

"I don't understand-" I started to say but my voice faltered again. I could feel the room slowly heat up. My mind was telling me I didn't want this, but my heart was telling I absolutely did! I was so confused as to what I wanted at that moment. 

"Now," Hakyeon said in a demanding tone. He had now focused his gaze upon my figure as I stood in front of our long mirror. I started to strip myself, only managing to take my shirt and jeans off before having my husband stop me with his quick and nimble hands. His fingers were warm against my torso's skin as he stood me up again from my crouching position and made me look at myself in the mirror. 

"Now, tell me what you see." He said. He spoke more softly this time, his tone full of compassion and love. 

"I-I s-see . . ." I said slowly, trying to find the right wording. Hakyeon only nodded for me to continue. I knew that he was all ears. 

"I-I see, a woman who eats too much and lounges around too much. A woman who gets criticized for her curves because she lives in a foreign country and doesn't fit the body standards for that different world. I see a broken woman who just wants to fit in but can't because she'll never look 'perfect' in people minds, no matter where she goes. I see a sad girl who just wants to be accepted as normal, but can't because she's overweight." I now said in a cry. I realized a moment later that tears were now running down my cheeks. The feeling was now so familiar to me that I rarely sensed when the cold, salty drops would race down my cheeks. 

"And why does this woman think of all these negative things? Why does she feel the need to be accepted by her peers and the society that she lives in?" My husband asked. He was now standing behind me but not touching me just yet. I could tell he was waiting for me to voice more of my opinion on the subject before he did anything else. 

"B-because she doesn't want to stand out. She knows that she's fat and ugly, and the opposite of beautiful. And she doesn't deserve such a handsome and wonderful husband like the one she has now. And every day she wonders how he fell in love with her when she's so unattractive and overweight." I said. I felt a lot of tears streaming down my cheeks now. It felt good to get all of my pent-up emotions out for once and to have someone who I knew would listen to me, no matter what. Hakyeon was silent for a while, letting me cry while sitting in that lonely, white office chair. He knew not to speak when I was upset like this because virtually anything he'd say would only lead me to more tears. After I had calmed down a bit, he came in front of me and stood me up, turning around so that he was looking at me through the mirror. I followed his eyes and did the same. 

"And do you know what I see in you, Sarah?" He said softly, his hands going up to my cheeks and wiping away my excess tears. 

"N-no, because how could you overlook everything about me that's ugly? These stretch marks are all over the sides of my chest and on the insides of my thighs. My arms are too big and my legs are too squished together. My curves are too prominent and my butt is too large, and not to mention my boobs are gigantic! Everything about me screams ugly, so what do you see in me that I don't already?" I said as I looked up at my husband and made a puzzled face. I was certainly perplexed at the idea of him loving my body at the moment. Hakyeon didn't reply to any of my comments but merely carried on with what he had to say about my current physic after a slight pause, taking in all of the negative words that I had just told to him. I could see him clench his jaw at the mean words that I had said about my body. I knew he always got sad and angry when I felt this way. As much as it hurt me, it hurt him too. 

"This hair...So _beautiful_. This skin...So _alluring._ This face...So _cute_." My husband said. He ran his hands through my hair and then slid his warm fingers down the side of my cheek, before stopping with a hand cupping my chin and one thumb grazing my lips. 

"These lips...So_ appealing_. These eyes...So _dazzling_. This nose...So _lovely_." Hakyeon said in a low voice before he stopped talking and wrapped his palm around my neck, pulling me closer to his face. He just barely grazed my lips with his own before he leaned back slowly. At this point, I could feel the familiar sensation of hot tears rolling down my cheeks again and my husband kept silent as he brushed my tears away. I smiled at him but his face was completely serious. He seemed very focused on the task ahead of him. Hakyeon moved his hands a little lower now, away from my face, resting his slender digits atop of my shoulders. 

"These shoulders...So_ fine_. This neck...So _elegant_. These collarbones...So _pretty_." My husband whispered. He placed his lips on my neck and gave the skin a soft kiss. I knew he only meant to express his love for me, but his acts were starting to lead me to think of other thoughts at the moment. 

"These arms...So _grand_. These hands...So _delicate_." My husband said as he traced his hands alongside my bare arms, taking his time with every body part. His movements were so slow and sensual, it was becoming quite arousing. Hakyeon looked up at me again and then focused his gaze on the middle of my chest, the sweet spot between my two breasts. He swiftly reached behind my back and unclasped my bra before I could even protest against his actions. I instinctively covered myself with my arms, ashamed of my large, Double-D breasts. Hakyeon gently pulled my hands away from my body, his eyes filled with love. 

"These breasts...So _stunning_." Hakyeon said. His lips left my neck and began traveling down my chest, before stopping in the middle of my breasts. I let out a quiet moan at his erotic moves. I couldn't tell whether he was doing it sexually or lovingly (or maybe it was both?), but I was slowly becoming more heated in our bedroom than before.

"This stomach...So _pleasing_." My husband said as he continued to kiss down my body, stopping at my lower waist, just above my right hip. 

"These curves...So _gorgeous_." Hakyeon said in a low tone. He smoothed his large hands down my waistline, feeling every dip and bend in my build, leading me to give out another quiet moan of delight. I knew he loved hearing me moan for him. My husband placed his hands on my hips, resting them there before moving on slowly. He stopped at my already-wet panties, slipping his two thumbs into the front of the fabric and pulling the thin piece of shielding down my legs in one swift move. He threw the material behind him and I watched it land on the floor. I had to distract myself from my husband's sensual moves. 

"This womanhood...So _delightful_." He said before I let out another cry at the words that slipped from his lips a moment before. Hakyeon peered up at me and his face spread into a wide smirk. He stood up from his crouching position and took my face into his palms once more. 

"Don't cry, my love. I only mean to tell you how much you mean to me, not to make you sad," My husband said with a frown, leading my lips to sit on top of his own. We stayed like that; interlocked in an intense kiss, for a few minutes before Hakyeon pulled away again. I whined out in agony to feel his lips on mine again, but I knew he wasn't done with his praises just yet. 

"These legs...So _grand_." My husband had me sitting down in the chair now, slowly separating my legs apart from one another. He began to kiss the sensitive skin, starting from the inside of my upper thigh and moving down. He knew just how excited it made me feel when he even grazed the tender skin in that specific area of my body. 

"H-Hakyeon-" I mewled out softly, gasping for air at his sensual movements. My husband continued to trail his sweet kissed down my legs until he stopped at my feet. 

"These feet...So _charming_." Hakyeon said as he gave both of the tops of my feet a soft kiss. A moment later he stood up (although he was a good nine or so feet taller than me, so he towered over my small frame quite a bit) and looked at me with a soft smile plastered across his lips. 

"Do you now realize how much I adore you and your body?" He asked, bringing my face close to his own and kissing my forehead tenderly. 

"I-I think I do," I said before wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me, nestling my head into the crook of his neck. 

"Never let me hear you say those negative things about your body again, okay?" My husband said in a quiet voice. I could sense slight playfulness in his tone. 

"I-I won't, I-I promise," I said though I was still pretty shaken up about everything that had just happened. 

"You're still in shock because of my actions, aren't you?" Hakyeon said with a laugh. He peeled me away from his body and moved the desk chair back to its rightful place behind the table. I merely shook my head in reply to my husband's words as he grasped my hands and led me to our bed. I was still completely naked, but at that point, I wasn't aware of any of my surroundings except the handsome man in front of me leading me to bed. 

"Babe, I-" I started to say but was cut off by Hakyeon laying me down on our bed and pressing my bare body down into the mattress. I could see the quick change in his orbs; before it was a loving gaze, but now it had turned into a more sensual one. 

"Shh, baby. I want to show you how much I love you, without so many words, okay?" He said, before placing his lips on my neck and sucking the skin gently. I could already feel the room heating up with immense passion once again. A soft moan escaped my lips, and Hakyeon silenced me by connecting our lips into a passionate kiss. Our tongues danced together, his wandering around my warm cavern while mine intertwined with his. Hakyeon always liked to be the dominant one when it came to making love, and when the time came, I didn't really mind what he was doing; as long as his lips were on some part of my body I never complained. 

"H-Hakyeon," I said with a groan just as he had moved on to my collar bone. He was kissing and biting the skin so roughly I knew for sure that I'd have marks of his love the next day. 

"I love you, Sarah." Is all that my husband said before he continued to trail his kisses down my body. 

Everything that happened after that was just a blur in my mind. That night the room felt like a furnace, with my husband making love to me so fiercely that he had me shaking in his grasp from pure and utter lust for him. 

"Can you try to not say anything bad about your body again, please? I think you now know just how much I adore your figure." Hakyeon said after our long session of love-making. We were both sprawled out on our bed, our chests heaving from our intense session. 

"Mmhm, we'll see about that. But it's not every day that I get this kind of attention from my attractive husband." I said with a playful laugh, leading Hakyeon to pull me tight into his chest with a smile already adorning his face. 

"Now, then, don't make me start up again." He replied quickly, just in an equally-as-playful tone. 

"I love you, Hakyeon," I said before sighing deeply. I kissed the side of his jawline softly. 

"I love you too, babe."

Hakyeon returned my kiss with a sweet peck on the forehead. Oh, how I savored these moments of immense passion and love between my husband an I; when everything around me was brightly lit with ecstasy. My husband stared into my eyes under the moon's pale light that night, and as we both laid there in bed, nestled close to each other, playing another one of our 'blinking games,' I felt happiness begin to bubble inside of me as I stared at Hakyeon, my eyes scanning every little detail of his face and remembering every little imperfection. 

That was the best kind of love; having someone who adores you so much that they can express it in so many different ways. And that's what Hakyeon did to me every day. He showed me different forms of love. I knew that his love for me was one that was so deep it ran through his veins, one that was so strong it would break through physical barriers. 

And staring into Hakyeon's eyes like that on that one particular night, playing our little 'blinking game,' reminded me just how much he loved me. No matter how I looked, I was still his eternal love, no matter what. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_~ The End ~_

**Author's Note:**

> This is another piece that I wrote when I was also struggling  
with self-love. I often find myself reading this work whenever  
I'm feeling down about myself, hence the reason why it's one   
of my favorite fics that I've ever written. I hope this  
encourages you guys to love yourselves more; because we're  
all beautiful no matter what size we are. 


End file.
